I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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