Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
