she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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