I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
