I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
