Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
