i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
