I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
