I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
