I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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