I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
