it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
