I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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