this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
