wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
