Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
