i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We are two peas in an std pod
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
