Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
