I have demons in me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
