he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
