we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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