and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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