I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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