Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
