Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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