dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
