he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
