What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
