I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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