I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
