hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
