Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
