the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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