The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry about my life...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
