Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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