Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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