He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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