Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
