hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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