Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
