Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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