but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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