Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
