is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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