there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
