It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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