you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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