I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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