We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
