I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
