I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
