Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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