Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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