I want to walk on stilts...naked
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
