apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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