You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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