i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
