I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
